You're going to get sexually assaulted somewhere kids it may as well be for $4/hour (+TIPS!)
Just pay adults a livable wage, jerks.
Are you their God? It’s me, Andy.
Listen God (in all your iterations and absence) your people in Iowa are getting up to all sorts of crazy shit. While I am sure you are aware as you are omniscient (or omnipresent?) They are banning books, hating on trans children (read more about how badly Kim felt about this here) to the point some will probably die, taking food - literally - from wee babe’s mouths - and get this - seeking to Triangle Shirt Waist factory the whole state1.
Here’s the deal, I don’t think they really care about kids. I know. It’s a bold statement, Most High, but hear me out.
They want children to work in mines (you know under corporate supervision of course)
They want kids to serve liquor - open highballs, beer, wine (and wine coolers I see you Iowa Gen. Xers) - to grown ass people in restaurants. Because nothing spells success like teen girls in service positions sloshing a tray full of Jäegermeister shots to a bunch of shit-faced frat boys and ass patting old farts. And get this, Lord, one lady’s rationale (aside from her owning a restaurant and grill) is the them little ladies still aren’t safe from would be rapists anywhere already.
Iowa Rep. Shannon Lundgren (above) perpetuates girls as women instead of what girls under the age of majority are: children. It’s why they think we’re asking for it - even if we are children. And she’s also an anti-choicer lying her face off in this bill (House File 383):
To be clear - this isn’t true. This is dangerous.
Anyway Yahweh, as I was saying, your people are really being top notch jerks in Iowa (and around the US overall) and get this - they are your followers! Yes, they even INVOKE you, sweet tiny infant baby Jesus!
What’s that Lord? This is all a bunch of stone cold bullshit? They are what? Liars? Greedy turds? Filled with bile? Huh - that’s crazy! I’m going to have to tell everyone Hosanna - they won’t believe they are breaking your Big 10 by lying lies liar faces, etc.
Side note - The list of people on the Governor’s child labor bill task force included a woman - Alison Henkel. Her job title was listed on the FOIA information gathered by a stalwart Iowan as director of human resources for The Girl Scouts of Western Illinois and Eastern Iowa.
(DO NOT come for this woman, please - that is NOT the point of my inquiry to GSA.)
The GSA’s position on child labor is very clear (after a 2020 report found the palm oil industry utilizing child labor was connected to their famous cookies): they condemn it.
So, I reached out to GSA to ask about their employee serving on a committee that produced a child labor bill.
this was the only response I got. I reached out for further clarification as the information on the FOIA stated the meeting took place within the last 5 months, and Henkel still has GSA employment listed on her LinkedIn page:
I got no response back. I have no idea what GSA’s real position is on child labor - no matter what their website claims.
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For all the disingenuous white menfolk out there who decided to come at me on a Twitter thread about this: it’s not about instilling work ethic. If your kid is a lazy jerk it’s because his parents are either lazy jerks or entitled AF. Make them vacuum the stairs for crying out loud, mow the yard at least. Yes, we all worked as kids - from paper routes, to bagging groceries to de-tassling corn and walking beans. It’s not about work ethic - it’s about putting children at risk so the Iowa GOP doesn’t have to pay grown-ups and kids a living wage. That’s what this is about. Get a load of this guy for instance:
My grade school friend from Iowa Jill died two years ago from cervical cancer. She was 49, the mom of three and grandma to three - we didn’t have a vaccine when we were kids - but sure, Iowa, don’t inform kids, parents, etc., about NOT getting cancer that will kill you. Get information on the HPV vaccine here.